#516 – A Perfect Meal

It’s never about the food for me.  I’ll eat most things (except fish because ew, fish) and though I have a favorite dish, there’s a lot of food that I love.  So that’s not nearly as important as the company I’m in.  Sitting down to eat with some of my closest friends; sharing memories and stories, making jokes at each others expense, and generally just being buds.  That’s what makes a perfect meal to me and it’s something that I miss and look forward to every chance I get to do it.  Even if everyone votes for a sushi night, I’ll still go.  I won’t eat but I’ll still sit at the table, smile on my face.

This reminds me of an exchange from the movie Clerks:

Dante“You hate people.”

Randal – “But I love gatherings.  Isn’t it ironic?”

Behind the Random: Not a writing kind of day, it seems.  A lot on my mind and distracted.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better one.

#138 – The One Thing You’re Most Ashamed Of

Many years ago, I cheated on the woman that would become my wife.  There are a dozen excuses I can make to explain it; I was young and stupid, she lived halfway across the country, there was a miscommunication, so on and so forth.  In the end though, it was one of the few decisions I made that nearly cost me my future with her.

Even after we had a falling out and our relationship dissipated for several years, the guilt of my actions stayed with me.  It’s this shame I carry that’s shaped how I look at relationships and cheating in general.  I can’t condone it and when I hear of someone else taking part in some extra-marital hanky panky, I get riled about it.

On certain levels, I can understand why cheating happens.  For some, it’s a secret that makes life more exciting while creating an escape from the same old of an existence that seems to be set in stone.  Maybe someone’s unhappy about their current situation and want to seek something else out while keeping that security of what they already have in case they don’t like what they’ve found.  Others will argue that it’s human or even animal nature to seek out love and/or sex from other partners.  To me though, those are just more excuses.

A relationship is about trust and commitment.  If a person wants to seek the company of others outside the confines of a relationship, then they should be with someone who shares that view.  I don’t have any moral objection to open relationships.  It’s only when that trust is broken and lies are being stirred up that I feel my self-righteous hackles rising.

My core belief when it comes to relationships; if you can’t trust the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, what’s the point of being there?

Behind the Random: I’ve done my share of things in the past that I’m not proud of.  I’ve lied, cheated, stole, and manipulated people to try and get what I wanted.  Most of the time, it didn’t end well for many, including myself.  It took me a while to realize the importance of trust in people, but now it’s something I take very seriously in my life, be it with my wife, my friends, and my family.

#536 – Describe Your Demographic Group…

…Describe the stereotypes of your group that you confirm.  Describe the stereotypes you subvert.

I am a 30-something white anglophone straight married male living in western Canada who smokes and drinks occasionally.  Not to be too specific of course.  I’m pretty much the target in marketing towards males when it comes to many movies, video games, comic books, sports, and television shows.  When you’re told to picture a typical man from North America, chances are you’re thinking of someone from my demographic.

Like most men, I’m drawn towards violence and action in my entertainment, as well as goofy comedy that doesn’t require a lot of thinking.  I tend to get in trouble with the wife when I forget to do things that she asked me to do and winning an argument with her is like climbing a wall of glass with just a broken toothbrush.  Not impossible but damn if it might as well be.  I also live up to the Canadian ideal of being polite, though there are plenty of days where I’m dismissive and unfriendly but never discourteous.  When it comes to sex in marketing, like any red blooded male, a girl used as eye candy will catch my eye.

Despite this though, I seem to have less in common than the average Canadian male.  I don’t care for hockey or even sports in general.  The closest I’ve ever actually enjoyed anything athletic was when I was younger and watched professional wrestling.  I don’t like the taste of coffee, especially from Tim Hortons, and prefer to rely on sugar for my energy boosts than caffeine.  When it comes to cars and their kin, I’m as clueless as a basset hound without a nose.  I’ve never had an interest in learning about mechanics and just changing a tire is a victory worthy of a night of revelry for me.  In fact, I’m pretty useless when it comes to almost any kind of home improvement repair.  I almost need an adult just to change a lightbulb.  Oh, and that scantily clad girl making goo-goo eyes with me from the advertisement, promising all sorts of explicit things if I just buy what’s she’s selling?  Yeah, she got my attention.  She also got my distrust for anything that needs to use sex to sell things.  More often than not, I won’t buy something just because there’s a pretty face shilling it.

Behind the Random: It’s a pretty common joke around my circle of friends that I’m not a real man.  Which is fine by me since I barely have the time and/or energy for what I already do, let alone devote to other more manly pursuits.

#454 – Ten Bad Bar Pick Up Lines

  1. I hope I’m not being too forward, but I would love to look at bathroom tiles with you.
  2. You look like my sister.  Which is cool, because my sister’s hot.
  3. Ever want to be a single mom?
  4. Wanna risk an STD?
  5. I’ve already pictured you naked.  May as well go all the way now.
  6. You make me want to stalk you.
  7. One look at you makes me wish I’d brought more roofies.
  8. I want to eat your hair with a side of frank and beans.
  9. Let me tell you about my cats.
  10. Do you want to come home and do sex things with me?

Behind the Random: I am terrible at picking up women at the bar.  Actually, in all honesty, I just assume that I am because I’ve never tried before.  However, since I very much suck in the art of conversation, I can safely believe that’s the case.  Having said that though, even I know not to use any of these lines.

#472 – A Hopelessly Messy Person and an Obsessively Neat Person Become Roomates

A small quiet neighborhood was the scene to a stunning and grisly act of violence last night when Richard Vicer was killed in his own home.  Andrew Pashter has been taken into custody by the police and is considered the lead suspect.  According to neighbors, Vicer recently moved in with Pashter which almost immediately led to arguments between the two.  “Andrew always was something of a neat freak.” Donald Olive told reporters, “Always had to have his lawn cut a certain way and his garbage arranged just right.”  Witness accounts claim that yelling was heard from Pashter’s house last night, not an unusual occurrence since the two began living together.  “I heard Andrew going on and on about coasters and didn’t think anything of it.  Just more of the same, you know?” Olive said, “Then I heard screaming coming from the house and that’s when I decided it was time to call 911.”  The cause of death is  still unknown.

Behind the Random: The whole “Opposites collide and hilarity ensues.” has been a staple in the comedy world for far longer than I’ve existed in it.  However, what happens when it goes too far?  Sorry I couldn’t write more, but I have a wicked toothache that has not let me get any sleep and has defied all painkilling methods short of a ripping them out of my face.  Hopefully it’s better tomorrow.

#553 – The Last Chapter of the Relationship

Hand in hand as she lay in her bed
He sits in silence bowing his head.
The only sound is her heart beeping
And the shallow breaths of her sleeping.
He thinks about years that have passed
And their time together gone so fast.
It was only yesterday they’d met at the fair
He’d been blinded by her smile, eyes, and hair.
Soon they were married with kids in their home
And they grew together til he was bare on his dome.
It wasn’t always perfect but they loved all the same
All they needed was each other, no fortune nor fame.
Together they lived and laughed through life
Even those times he’d fought with his wife.
It was never perfect but that’s what made it so great
The kind of coupling that could only be fate.
Now he whispers everything he’d said before in her ear
Blinking his eyes to clear away a pesky tear.
She won’t be alone as she faces her death
He’s there by her side til her final breath.
She was his better half, more than his best friend
But even the best of things need to come to an end.

Behind the Random: I’m a big believer in dignity in the face of death.  It’s not something that should be feared or dreaded.  It’s a part of nature.  Of course, I think the thing most people are afraid isn’t the actual death but the dying part which is usually an unpleasant experience from what I understand.  That’s certainly the part that concerns me.  As for what happens after?  Well, I can’t say I’m not curious about that part.

#238 – Write for 10 Minutes…

…about what is running through a husband-to-be’s head while his wife-to-be is walking down the aisle to the altar where he stands.

Don’t throw up.  Oh, please don’t throw up.  Not in front of everyone in church.  Why did I drink so much?  Who thought of having a bachelor party the night before the wedding?  That was so stupid.  I should have taken Brad’s advice and did it last weekend.  Oh god, I think it’s coming.  The music is starting.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  Focus on the music.  Stand up straight.  Don’t puke.  I can do this.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Focus.  There she is.  Wow.  That is a really beautiful dress.  Don’t puke on the dress.  For the love of god, if you’re going to puke then do it now before she gets down here and you puke on her.  She looks so great.  She’s going to kill me if I puke on her.  Forget no sex.  It’ll be no living.  She’ll kill me right here, right now in front of all our family and friends.  And the preacher.  Better not puke on him either.  Ugh.  Never again.  I swear I’m never getting divorced just so I never have to worry about doing another bachelor party again.  I wonder how Bobby is feeling.  I don’t see him here.  Maybe he died.  Poor Bobby.  Wow, look at her.  I’m so lucky to have her here.  I just have to get through this without spewing all over the gorgeous, and very expensive, dress.  I hope Darren remembered the rings.  Where’s my speech?  Oh good, there it is.  I hope I don’t blow my lines.  Don’t stutter.  Don’t puke.  This is a lot of pressure.  Can’t I just kiss her and walk out.  This is silly.  Everyone’s looking at me.  They know I’m going to puke.  They’re going to laugh at me.  They’re all going to laugh at me.  Forget them.  Just look at her.  Smile or something, dummy.  There you go.  Too big!  You look like a damn fool.  Okay, there we go.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Focus.  There is no one else here.  Nope.  Just you two.  Forever and ever.  And ever.  And oh god, what did I get myself into.  I have to go.  I should go throw up.  No.  No, I can do this.  I love her.  Just me and her.  I can do this.  I’m totally doing this.  It’s all going to be okay.

Behind the Random: I love doing freeflow writing.  It’s just fun to turn off your brain and let your fingers do the talking for you.  It’s kind of like that game where you have to answer a question with the first thing that pops in your head.