Many years ago, I cheated on the woman that would become my wife. There are a dozen excuses I can make to explain it; I was young and stupid, she lived halfway across the country, there was a miscommunication, so on and so forth. In the end though, it was one of the few decisions I made that nearly cost me my future with her.
Even after we had a falling out and our relationship dissipated for several years, the guilt of my actions stayed with me. It’s this shame I carry that’s shaped how I look at relationships and cheating in general. I can’t condone it and when I hear of someone else taking part in some extra-marital hanky panky, I get riled about it.
On certain levels, I can understand why cheating happens. For some, it’s a secret that makes life more exciting while creating an escape from the same old of an existence that seems to be set in stone. Maybe someone’s unhappy about their current situation and want to seek something else out while keeping that security of what they already have in case they don’t like what they’ve found. Others will argue that it’s human or even animal nature to seek out love and/or sex from other partners. To me though, those are just more excuses.
A relationship is about trust and commitment. If a person wants to seek the company of others outside the confines of a relationship, then they should be with someone who shares that view. I don’t have any moral objection to open relationships. It’s only when that trust is broken and lies are being stirred up that I feel my self-righteous hackles rising.
My core belief when it comes to relationships; if you can’t trust the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, what’s the point of being there?
Behind the Random: I’ve done my share of things in the past that I’m not proud of. I’ve lied, cheated, stole, and manipulated people to try and get what I wanted. Most of the time, it didn’t end well for many, including myself. It took me a while to realize the importance of trust in people, but now it’s something I take very seriously in my life, be it with my wife, my friends, and my family.