#392 – Your First Time in a Foreign Country

“Welcome to France, sir.” The customs officer said to me with a winning smile that was supposed to make me feel all welcomed and stuff.  Instead, it made me confused.

“Aren’t you supposed to speak french?” I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously as I slowly take my passport back.

The officer looked at me with a befuddled look, “I’m sorry sir?  Did I offend you in some way?  I just saw that you were from Canada and figured you would like to be welcomed in English.  You know, lessen the culture shock.”

“Well, I’ll have you know that Canada is a bilingual country.  Our national language is english and french, so you could have said welcome in french if you wanted to.” I said, rather smugly.  What can I say, it was a long flight and I was feeling cranky.

“Oh…well…Soyez bienvenus à la France, monsieur.” The man said, that winning smile back on his face.

I stare at him blankly for a moment, trying to figure out whether he was mocking me or saying something about my mother.  He must have noticed the look on my face because the smile faltered and he leaned in a little bit to whisper, “You don’t speak french, do you?”

“Not even a little.  What, just because I’m from Canada I’m supposed to speak both languages?!  I’m from the west, man.  There’s exactly six french people on that side of the country and they speak english.” I say, throwing up my hands.  People around us are starting to stare, making the customs officer a little uncomfortable.  “This is racism, man!  You’re a racist!  What, now you gonna ask me if I know Bob from Canada?  Maybe see if I know what it’s all a-boot?  Eh?”

The happy customs officer is gone now.  Instead, a very perturbed and embarassed man stands before me.  “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down and lower your voice.”

A man wearing black with security on his lapel walks up and nods to the officer, “Is there a problem here?” He asks.

“Dammit, english again?!” I yell out, stepping back in an outrage, “This is not the french experience I shelled out hard earned cash to have!  Where’s the naked ladies with the hairy armpits?  Where’s the mimes?  At least wear those dumb little hats, huh?  And that’s just off the top of my head.”

“Okay, now you’re being racist, sir.” The customs officer warns me with a disapproving look.

I throw my passport to the ground and stomp my feet, “You want to see racist?!  I’ll show you racist!”  I put my fingers on either side of my mouth and pull out, stretching my face to mimic a frog.  Bugging out my eyes, I begin hopping around the security officer, croaking out as best I can “Le ribbit!  Le ribbit!”

Suffice to say, nobody was impressed with my little impersonation.  After a rather messy detainment which came complete with a thorough cavity search, I was sent back home and told I was never allowed to come back to France again.

My wife still hasn’t forgiven me either.  To this day, she swears a I did it to get out of spending a week in France.  I’ll never admit it, but I think we all know the truth on that one.

Mission accomplished.

Behind the Random: I hope it goes without saying that I would never do this going through an airport.  It is well known that airport personnel are hired expressly for their lack of sense of humour.  However, my evil twin would totally do this.  Twice if he could get away with it.

Oh, and Happy Turkey Day to all my fellow Canadians.  Happy Columbus Day to all my American readers.  And Happy Monday to everyone else.

#401 – That Day in Paris

Will you remember where you were the day it all happened?  The panic in the streets as people ran for their lives.  Destruction on a scale never before seen by human eyes as the news feeds prominently showing the Eiffel Tower in flames before collapsing.

For years, people in Western Civilization thought that they were safe.  That the problems from the rest of the world would never appear on their shores.  It was a sense of security that everyone took for granted.  Still, others would argue that no one could ever have expected what happened on that warm summer day.

Even now, years later, the damage is felt not only in France but around the world.  Though the French are slowly rebuilding, it will take a long time before the scars will be fully healed.  Countless lives lost and billions of dollars in damages.

What could have been done that could have prevented this unprecedented tragedy?  This has been a topic of debate for experts since the day it happened.  Some believe that it was as unpredictable as it was unavoidable and Paris was simply a victim of inevitability while others argue that being proactive and looking at all the signs could have saved much of the city, if not prevented the incident from happening at all.

As the politics continue to rage, a people still dealing with the incredible losses they suffered continue to march on, unwilling to fall to despair.  Their stories are heard everyday as prayers and well-wishes still pour in from strangers who have opened their hearts and even their homes to those who lost almost everything.

So do you remember where you were when Godzilla showed up that day in Paris?

Behind the Random: For the briefest of brief brief moments, I considered doing something romantic or similar ilk, but then that’s what people expect when they read about Paris…unless they know that I wouldn’t write something like that about Paris, in which case maybe I should have wrote something diabetic…Still, I’m satisfied with the result of this post.

I think this also marks the first time I’ve included a fictional character that wasn’t a part of the original challenge…