#145 – Put Two Characters…

…each of whom wants something from the other, in a room together.  Neither of them is allowed to ask for it straight out.  Give them five minutes with only dialogue to get what they want.

Bill: Hey.

Randy: Yo.

Bill: How’s it going?

Randy: It’s going.  You?

Bill: Can’t complain.

Randy: That’s good.  Nobody listens anyways.

Bill: Truth.

Randy: So…how we going to do this?

Bill: I’m not sure.  Maybe a trade?

Randy: But we don’t know what the other one wants.

Bill: So we just keep throwing things out there until we finally match what we want from each other.

Randy: In five minutes?  That can be a lot of things.

Bill: You have a better idea?

Randy: No.

Bill: Alright, I’ll go first.  I’m offering a million dollars.

Randy: Done.

Bill: Really?

Randy: Yeah.  That’s what I came here for.

Bill: That was easy.  Your turn.

Randy: Alright…uhm…my house.

Bill: Nope.

Randy: My car?

Bill: Nah.

Randy: My autographed Michael Jackson figure?

Bill: Got three.

Randy: Of course you do.

Bill: Sorry.

Randy: *coughs* Rich prick.

Bill: What?

Randy: Nothing, just an itchy throat.

Bill: Ah.  So what do you have that I could possibly want?

Randy: …it’s not my wife, is it?

Bill: *laughs* God, no.

Randy: *chuckles* Yeah…that was… *stops* Hey, wait a minute…

Bill: Clock’s ticking, man.

Randy: Right, right…uhm…my dog?

Bill: About time.

Randy: Wait, really?  You want my dog.

Bill: I love dogs.

Randy: But a million dollars for my dog?

Bill: It’s because he’s your dog.

Randy: I don’t understand.

Bill: I like to buy other people’s dogs from them.  It’s a thing I do.

Randy: I…uhm, alright.

Behind the Random: This one was another one that I thought was going to require some thinking, but in the end I just started typing and figured my fingers would do the story for me.  As usual, I am not disappoint.  However, I disagree with the story.  I could never sell my dog for a million dollars.  My wife and kids, maybe.  But not my dog.

#226 – Write from the Point of View…

…of a literary character who changed your life.

The alarm clock blared loudly but only for a second before a furry orange fist shot out from under the blue blanket and smashed it with a single blow.  Garfield stayed hidden in his cat bed for a moment, only his eyes peeking out.  “Why do I even have an alarm clock?” He wondered to himself, “What do I have to do this morning that’s so important?”  His stomach answered him, gurgling loudly.  “Oh right.  That.”

“First things first though.  Need to get my daily exercise in.” Garfield thought as he crawled out of bed and hopped up on a nearby counter.  “Oh Odie!” He called out in a sing-song voice.

From across the house came an excited yipping sound and Odie came barreling out of the living room.  With surprising ease for a dog, he managed to jump up onto the counter next to Garfield.  The orange cat put an arm around Odie in a friendly manner and asked, “Have you seen the new ball John got you?”

Odie thought about then shook his head.  Of course he hadn’t since there was no new ball, but he didn’t know that.  “Why, it’s right over there.” Garfield said, pointing over the edge of the counter.  Curious, Odie walked to the end and looked around, letting out a confused arf.  Suddenly, Garfield delivered a big boot to Odie’s behind, sending him over the side.  As the dog fell to the floor, Garfield cupped a hand over his ear to catch the resulting thump.  “I love the sound of a dog being put in his place in the morning.”

His exercise done, Garfield hopped off the counter.  The sound of his weight hitting the ground echoed through the house as the floor sagged under the sudden weight.  Garfield shrugged, “We should really get these floors checked.  They’re starting to warp a little.”

Trotting into the kitchen, Garfield found John sitting at the kitchen table eating his breakfast.  Shockingly, Garfield’s food dish sat empty.  Annoyed, Garfield marched over to John and tugged on his pajama pants to get his attention.  “Morning Garfield.  You’re up early.” John said cheerfully.

“Feed me.” Garfield demanded.

“How’d you sleep?” John was clearly not getting the clue.

“Feed me.”

“What’s the plan today?”

At this point, John needed a reminder on how things worked around here.  Garfield let out a powerful kick, sending John falling to the floor.  As he went down, he knocked his plate of eggs and bacon down with him.  As John laid there, stunned, Garfield gathered up the food and gave him a light slap on the cheek.  “Pleasure doing business, John.  Same time tomorrow?”

As he walked back into the living room, Garfield suddenly had a brilliant notion.  “I should make a comic strip out of my life!  I’m always doing something funny.  I could make a fortune.” Then the moment passed and he waved it off.  “Naaaah.  Nobody wants to read about a orange cat that kicks dogs.  I mean, I would but that’s not much of a market.  And besides, I can’t draw.”  He inspects his paw with a grin, “No thumbs.”

Behind the Random: I was but a wee lad when I first picked up a collection of Garfield comics.  I had just learned that all those funny little symbols made up words and was practicing on my dad’s books.  Instantly, my world was changed forever.  It was the start of my love of reading, comic books, comedy, drawing, and eventually writing.  Over the years, the humor of Garfield has waned on me, but that fat furry orange puffball still holds a place in my heart.

#121 – Do a Detailed Character Sketch…

…for a fictional character about whom you would never, ever want to write.  Work to avoid making up anything that would capture your interest.

1. Name: Roger Timberly
2. Age: 54
3. Height: 5’9
4. Eye color: Brown
5. Physical appearance: Heavy set with graying brown hair.  Caucasian with deep wrinkles and crows feet on his face.
6. Strange or unique physical attributes: Mole below his left eye.
7. Favorite clothing style/outfit: Button up shirt and slacks.
8. Where does he or she live? What is it like there? In the small town of Greensville, a peaceful quiet community in the bible belt of the Midwest.
9. Defining gestures/movements (i.e., curling his or her lip when he or she speaks, always keeping his or her eyes on the ground, etc.):
   Frowning.  He rarely ever smiles.
10. Things about his or her appearance he or she would most like to change: Lose some weight
11. Speaking style (fast, talkative, monotone, etc.): Slow and gruff.
12. Pet peeves: Slow people.
13. Fondest memory:  Meeting his wife.
14. Hobbies/interests: Fishing and chess.
    
15. Special skills/abilities: Automobile repair.
16. Insecurities: Allowing people close to him.
17. Quirks/eccentricities: Roger gets upset when his paper isn’t on his porch by 7:00 sharp.
    
18. Temperament (easygoing, easily angered, etc.): Grumpy but easygoing.  He’s easily annoyed but keeps it to himself.  If he does get angry, it’s usually explosive.
19. Negative traits: Unfriendly and a bit of a downer.
20. Things that upset him: Things not going the way he believes they should be.
    
21. Things that embarrass him: Public displays of affection.  Being the center of attention.
    
22. This character is highly opinionated about: How he lives his life.
    
23. Any phobias? Acrophobia – An intense fear of heights.
    
24. Things that make him or her happy: His dog, Wheeler.
25. Family (describe): His father died of acute pneumonia when he was 31.  His mother died in a car accident before that when he was 19.  He hasn’t talked to his brother in over 15 years.  His wife passed away 4 years earlier from an aneurysm.
26. Deepest, darkest secret: When Roger was a 11, he witnessed his brother sexually assault a girl.
    
27. Reason he kept this secret for so long: At first he was afraid of what his brother would do.  Eventually though, it just became one of those things that didn’t matter anymore.
    
28. Other people’s opinions of this character (What do people like about this character? What do they dislike about this character?): He’s more or less tolerated.  He pays his dues and always tips at the diner he goes to.  He’s quiet and keeps to himself.  Some don’t care for his brutal honesty and go out of their way to avoid talking to him.
    
29. Favorite bands/songs/type of music: Old jazz.
    
30. Favorite movies: Heist and spy movies.
    
31. Favorite TV shows: Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.
    
32. Favorite books: Intrigue and murder mysteries.  Anything that has a twist that he can try and figure out.
    
33. Favorite foods: Bacon and eggs with white toast.
    
34. Favorite sports/sports teams: NFL – Pittsburgh Steelers.  NHL – Detroit Red Wings.
35. Political views: Conservative.
    
36. Religion/philosophy of life: Former catholic, he’s become embittered with life and now prefers a life of non-involvement.
37. Physical health: Borderline overweight, but still healthy.
    
38. Dream vacation: None.  Roger hates traveling.
39. Description of his house: A single story two bedroom bungalow.
40. Description of his bedroom: Tidy with a double bed, a dresser with a mirror, and a bedside table with a green lamp.  His dirty clothes hamper sits in his closet beneath his shirts.
41. Any pets? Wheeler, his 12 year old golden retriever/labrador cross.
    
42. Best thing that has ever happened to this character: The day he married his wife.
43. Worst thing that has ever happened to this character: The day his wife died.
44. Superstitions: Roger believes that when something good happens, something equally bad or worse happens.
45. Three words to describe this character: Grumpy.  Beaten.  Lonely.
46. If a song played every time this character walked into the room, what song would it be?  Almost Blue by Chet Baker.

Behind the Random: I had to think of characters and genres that I have no interest in delving in.  I’ve never cared for dramatic stuff that gives you all the down feels, so I focused on that.  About the only thing that actually sparked any inspiration at all was the music at the end, but it was so fitting that I couldn’t get rid of it.  So close, yet so far.

#276 – Write a Single Paragraph…

…that conveys a lot about a character’s life.  Think about how this can be achieved with voice and rhythm and repetition.

I am the darkness, watching and waiting with the patience of a god.  I have existed since the dawn of man, born of the first drop of innocent blood and the madness of a man’s rage.  Fear and despair became my sustenance and in time I came to swell in power.  As the kingdom of humanity sprawled out, so did my influence.  Unbeknownst to world leaders, my shadowy claws dug deep into their thoughts, urging them into battle with their brothers and churning up bitter hatreds.  All to feed my insatiable appetite for my death and destruction.  Now, after eons of manipulation, the stage has been set for my arrival.  Soon, I will step forward and take claim to this reality at my rightful place; not hidden in the shadows, but at the forefront.  Tremble as you read these words, for I am Chaos and I am coming.

Behind the Random: Oh, I love me a good ol’ fashion all-powerful villain.  They make for some of the most epic battles between good and evil.  This story is actually a variation of just one of the many origin stories for my favorite monster/hero, the Skull Jester.

#63 – What a Character Wearing Something Red is Thinking…

He cringed inwardly as she hit the notes with all the grace of a drunken hippopotamus.  Survival instincts kicked in and he considered taking his red sweater and wrapping it around either his head or hers.  How good of a sound dampener was cotton anyways?  He figured it wasn’t very good.  Still, any little bit would help at this point.

Every word she belted out was another lesson on how not to sing, but he could only sit there and bear it.  Because he knew that it made her happy and she wasn’t really hurting anyone.  Maybe insulting every singer and musician that has and ever will live (even Macy Gray), but certainly not harming.

He kept telling himself that as she hit a whole new plateau of horribleness and had to find his way to his happy place where he could block out the sound of a thousand dying seals masquerading as a song about princesses.  He grinned and shouldered on for three very important reasons

A) because she was six years old and B) thought she was the best singer in the world and C) he’d be damned if he was going to tell her otherwise.

Behind the Awesome: I am exhausted and not really up for anything to mentally stimulating.  Fortunately (and I use the term in loosest way imaginable), inspiration came in the form of my six-year-old belting out some made up song about the world as she was putting the dishes away.  Unless we’re doing something that requires full concentration, my wife and I are usually able to survive her singing.  On the plus side, she is improving…if only for the fact that she couldn’t get much worse, but that’s beside the point…

#619 – Make up a Peanuts Character…

…Write a scene in which your character interacts with the other Peanuts characters.

“I just can’t stand it, Linus.” Charlie Brown muttered as they leaned against their usual place at the brick wall, “I haven’t seen the red-haired girl in over a week.”

“Maybe she’s just been busy with extra homework, Charlie Brown.  Or maybe her family is on vacation.” Linus offered helpfully, shifting his blue security blanket from one arm to the other, “You should take this time to reflect on yourself and decide if the red-haired girl is what you really want or if you’re merely chasing some unrequited need to want something.”

Charlie Brown grumbled as he put his head on the bricks, “Great.  Now I don’t know what I want.”

“Welcome to life, Charlie Brown.” Linus said, patting his friend on the back.  “Maybe a change of topic?  I hear Pigpen has a new neighbour.  Moved in the other day.”

Charlie Brown seemed to brighten up a bit, “Do you think we could get him to join our baseball team?”

“It couldn’t hurt to ask.” Linus said with a smile, “Let’s go find out.”

The two made their way down the block and around the corner to find Pigpen and the new kid coming in the opposite direction.  “Hey new kid!” Charlie Brown called out with a wave.

The new kid stopped and gave Charlie Brown a curious look, “I have a name, kid.”  He was taller than Charlie Brown but rather unassuming for a kid, with a mop of brown hair wearing a red shirt with a black stripe down the middle.  “It’s Don.”

“Hello Don!” Linus said, offering up a handshake, “We just wanted to welcome you to our neighbourhood.  I’m Linus and this is Charlie Brown.”

Don shook Linus’ hand and smiled at him, “Thanks.  And that’s a nice blanket you have there.”

Linus shuffled uneasily, not sure if he was being teased or not, “Thanks, I think.  My sister hates it and is always trying to get rid of it on me.”

The new kid just laughed and shook his head, “Sisters are monsters, aren’t they?  You hold on to that blanket, Linus.”  Don had a look on his face like he was telling the honest truth.

“Thanks Don!” Linus said then whispered to Charlie Brown, “I like him.  Let’s hope Lucy doesn’t scare him away.”

“Hey Don, do you play baseball at all?” Charlie Brown spoke up.

“I played for my school in my hometown.  We were the state champions all three years I played there.  I even won MVP last year.”

Charlie Brown could have tripped over his jaw, his mouth was open so wide.  It took him a moment to regain his composure and he tried to act casual.  “Would you be interested in joining a new team?  Because we have a team and we could always use another player.”

“Are you guys any good?” Don asked, looking between Linus, Pigpen, and Charlie Brown, “Because I would definitely join in on that.”

“Well…” Pigpen piped up finally, “We’re sitting at a 234-0 score right now.”

Don whistled appreciatively, “Wow, 234?  That’s a great streak you guys have going on there.  Count me in.”

Linus opened his mouth to correct Don, but Charlie Brown quickly stifled him, slamming his hand over his friend’s mouth.  “That would be great, Don.  We’ll meet up tomorrow.”

“Alright!  I’ll go home and get my stuff ready.” Don piped up excitedly and he gave them a hasty wave goodbye as he ran home.

Linus pulled Charlie Brown’s hand from his face and gave him a disapproving look.  “Why did you tell him we were winning?  He’s going to see tomorrow that we’re terrible.”

“Maybe.  Or maybe having a really good player on the team will motivate the others and we’ll be winners for real.”  Charlie Brown countered.

“Maybe.” Linus replied thoughtfully, holding his blanket tighter to his side, “But lying isn’t a healthy way to start a new friendship.  You could be heading into disaster, Charlie Brown.”  Satisfied that he’d said his peace, Linus wandered away with blanket in tow and a thumb in his mouth, Pigpen following him along.

“What’s the worse that can happen?” Charlie Brown asked rhetorically.  However, a queasy feeling deep in Charlie Brown’s gut bubbled and boiled.  “Ooooh, you’re against me too…?” Charlie Brown muttered, holding his stomache.  All through the night, his stomach rumbled and growled inside of him until Charlie Brown finally had enough.

“Okay, I will tell him the truth about us.” Charlie Brown said aloud into the darkness, “And cost us ever being the greatest little league team ever.”  As if waiting for this cue, his stomach settled down.

It was mid morning when Charlie Brown showed up at the dugout.  There were a few others already there, sitting around chatting and not doing their warmups like he’d asked them to every week for the past two months.  No sign of Don though.  Minutes passed and more kids showed up, but still no Don.

“I wonder what happened to him?” Charlie Brown asked Linus, who stood with him on the pitcher’s mound.  Linus could only shrug in response, having no answer for his friend and team manager. “Let’s go find out.” The two of them set out a few blocks.

As the got close to Don’s house, Linus was the first to see what was going on.  “Hey Charlie Brown, maybe we dont’ need him anyways.  I mean, we’ve got a full roster today.”

Charlie Brown just shrugged Linus off, “No.  We need him.  He could turn this yeam around.”  Distracted by his friend, Charlie Brown didn’t notice what was happening at first.  “I know it can change…”  Then he saw it.

“Don…and the red-haired girl?” Charlie Brown gasped, his face becoming a deep shade of red.  “That’s why you didn’t come to the game?”

Don looked up at them from the tree he shared with the red-haired girl.  “Oh.  Hi guys.  Sorry, I forgot to mention I was busy today with my friend.  We’re going to have lunch and then go to the movies.”

Charlie Brown couldn’t stand to hear any more and stormed off, Linus quickly following him.  Once he thought he was out of earshot, Charlie Brown threw up his hands in frustration.  “ARGH!” He bellowed, “I just can’t stand it!”

“I’m sorry, Charlie Brown.” Linus said, looking glum for his best friend, “I know how much you liked the red-haired girl.”

“Good grief!” Charlie Brown muttered bitterly, “What else is today going to throw at me?”

“Hey Blockhead!” A familiar bossy voice demanded suddenly, “Let’s go kick the football around!”

All Charlie Brown could do was put his face in the palm of his hand and cry.

Behind the Random: When I was younger, I was something of a Peanuts fan.  As I got older, they didn’t stay with me like some of my other comic strip favourites and I outgrew them.  Still though, I remember fondly Snoopy and his Sopwith Camel battling the Red Baron or Schroeder and Lucy chilling at his piano.  My favourite moments were always the existential conversations Charlie Brown and Linus would have at the old brick wall.  Linus has always been my favourite, narrowly beating out Snoopy only becuse Snoopy is everyone else’s favourite.

This one was actually a bit difficult since I wanted to keep it faithful to the style Charles Schultz wrote the series.  It’s been a while since I’ve read a Peanuts strip or seen any of the cartoons, so I hope I got it alright.

Rest in Peace, Charles Schultz.  Your legacy is still remembered.

#420 – Write About a Vivid but Troubled Figure from Literature…

…as if he or she were your grandparent or great-grandparent.  Look for the ways their lives reveal the patterns of codependency, addiction, avoidance, or whatever else you’re dealing with in your own family.

They say he was the world’s greatest detective.  A man whose mind was a vast library of knowledge.  He put logic before emotion and believed that every problem had a solution.  They called him Sherlock Holmes.  My mom called him grandpa.

It’s amazing to realize that he’d had kids.  Always consumed with his work, studying whatever caught his attention with a mind like a steel trap, taking the time to find a woman to settle down with would seem like the last thing on his to-do list.  Still, the man was a human being with his own desires.

When I learned of my heritage, I asked my mom about it and all she could really remember about him was that he was a distant man, but sharp as a tack.  Always observing, nothing could escape his notice unless he allowed it to.  Even in his old age.

Family meant little to him though, a trait that is prevalent through my family.  We try, but our logic and protecting our hearts always wins out.  Every problem as a solution, no matter how impossible.  We become obessed with our own worlds that we forget to bring others along on our journey.

None of us might match wits with my great-grandfather, but that sharpness carries on in our blood.  Whether we use that logic to shield our hearts or we do away with emotion to maxmize our minds, I couldn’t tell you.  However, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Behind the Random: This is actually a chief complaint many of my friends and family on my dad’s side have about me.  I don’t form emotional bonds easily and even when I do, I rarely open up.  I don’t use my heart often and prefer to rely on my brain.  Too many times I’ve become lost in my own pursuits that I forget about the people around me.  Personally, I think it’s better that way.  Too many times I’ve seen people take a bad situation and make it worse simply by acting on emotion.  Hell, I’ve been guilty of that myself a few times, so I can speak from experience.